The Insecure Salesman

I just realized something. When some one tries to guilt you into purchasing their products, joining their business or giving them and what EVVA they have to offer the time of day, they don't believe in themselves and/or their products and they are counting on your insecurities to prosper.

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My Life Will Work for ME!

It's gone work for me. My life that is. Can't be like you even though what you're presenting looks great...on you. Part of my struggle has been me trying to be like everyone else and obtain success the way they have done it and feeling the pressure of not being able to obtain what it looks like they have. Or feeling the pressure of wanting to leave their methods behind and use my own and feeling guilty when I do and when what I do for me "doesn't work". Maybe that's why I attract people who want me to be like them and get mad when I'm not or "rebell" against their attempted control. Funny I don't have the success I want or is it. It was never intended for me to be anything other than me but my lack of trust for myself has caused a great disservice to me and the audience that is assigned to me.

What if I'm okay and have exactly what I need to survive just like every body else? Imagine how unstoppable I'd be if I connected to my own power source instead of connecting to yours. Hhhmmmm.

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I need some one who understands.

Today is just one of them days in my life where I wish I had someone in it who understood everything about me and was able to take me in their arms and hold me while I rested or cried or whatever I need comfort for. I have some things I need to say and I want to say it to the person who understands, not the person who will look at what I'm saying as me having a problem and judging me or attempting to find me a solution because I don't have a problem and I don't have need for a solution and I'm not making excuses and I need someone who understands that the world is tough for a 42 year old single orphan with a teenage son a master's degree no job no prospects and no readers for the only thing my heart has the courage to do and that's write. How am I suppose to make it like this.

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Be Thankful

I was just thinking about random stuff and I realized how it amazes me how some people are when others are having an experience they have yet to experience and depending on what it is, they are either super envious or super judgmental. Why not reserve the envy or judgment and be thankful instead. Be thankful that you DON'T HAVE TO BE envious because you can take that with which you admire about the person and find a way to incorporate into your own life. No problem. Be thankful that you DON'T HAVE TO EXPERIENCE or ARE NOT EXPERIENCING that with which you are making judgment against. When people are having hard times, they need your prayers as well as your support of non judgment. Most times, you don't know the whole story or the reasons why things are as they are so save the karma deposits and just be thankful God has spared you from whatever He didn't spare your neighbor from and then pray for your neighbor.

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Using What I Have To Get What I Want.

I am spending time in this space of using what I have to get what I want. It is my desire to do so. I believe the frustration in life comes when we are constantly looking outside of ourselves for the answers and not being able to find any. If I reside here, I'm forced to focus on myself and my abilities. I also have to acknowledge what I can contribute to my life and well being outside of the norm. I'm forced to discover what makes me unique and special and different from everyone else, even if what I have to offer has similar attributes, qualities and features.

I'm forced to focus on me. Now as a woman, this can be and has been a challenging task, especially because I'm a mother. And if you're a mother like me, you know this is easier said than done but in order to be here, I must fight. I must fight for my right to be okay with acknowledging what I already know that I have. I must also fight for the space I need to discover how to use what I already know that I have in order to get what I want and be open enough to get to know the new parts of me I aquired during my growth. I also must feel good about what I have and heal from every wound I have aquired from every attack against me and my possessions that has made me feel that what I have is not good enough. That's the biggest of the battle. But if I can get over that, I have won.

Using what I have to get what I want is not a new concept. Every celebrity you see has done it and is doing it so I feel that it is necessary to remove what separates me from them. This concept is so old, it's in the bible. Here take a look.

2 Kings 4New International Version (NIV)

The Widow’s Olive Oil
4 The wife of a man from the company of the prophets cried out to Elisha, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that he revered the Lord. But now his creditor is coming to take my two boys as his slaves.”

2 Elisha replied to her, “How can I help you? Tell me, what do you have in your house?”

“Your servant has nothing there at all,” she said, “except a small jar of olive oil.”

3 Elisha said, “Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don’t ask for just a few. 4 Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side.”

5 She left him and shut the door behind her and her sons. They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring. 6 When all the jars were full, she said to her son, “Bring me another one.”

But he replied, “There is not a jar left.” Then the oil stopped flowing.

7 She went and told the man of God, and he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left.”

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+kings+4%3A1-7&version=NIV

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Blog: http://becomingmydreamgirl.blogspot.com/?m=1
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I hate what Christianity done to me

I hate what Christianity done to me. I hate the decisions I made while trying to become a Christian. I hate the outcome of the decisions I made while trying to become a Christian. I hate who I became in the process of becoming a good Christian girl. I hate being a Christian and all of the mental challenges that come along with being a Christian. I hate the insecurities I developed while becoming a Christian. I hate all of the insecurities I have being a Christian. I hate that I no longer know who I am now that I'm a Christian. I hate that I lost myself in the process of being a Christian. I hate that I spent lots and lots of waisted time looking for validation as a Christian. I hate that I am lost. I hate that I am lost and have to find my way back to the ambition I once had. I hate that I am lost and have to find my way back to me. I hate that I am detached from who I am. I hate that I no longer have an internal connection to myself and everything wonderful about me. I hate that I spent 2 decades looking to the external and finding something wrong with the internal. I hate that I no longer trust myself with me or my life. I hate that I am suffering with this. I hate that I have to find love within again and I hate that I hate myself as a Christian.  I hate my life as a Christian and I'm done being a Christian. 1996 might have meant something more. I heard a call but I answered wrong. I answered with what I knew / was taught and shut out the truth that was trying to come through. 19 years later, I need clarity, I'm miserable. I hate what being a Christian done to me. I hate that being a Christian blurred my understanding of who God is and has called in to question if God exists or not. I also wonder who "God" is outside of religion. I know there is a being greater and higher than I but who is it? Who is it as it stands alone and apart from the bible? Who is it as it relates to me?

Don't let your can't, get in the way of your can.

I am in the process of trying to find myself as an entrepreneur and for the last month and a half or so the only thing that has been on my mind more than any thing else is what I can't do. I guess I got sick of myself because my conscious woke up from a loud internal fussing if you will and I heard my own voice say very loudly, "girl I'm so sick of you always talking about what you can't do. If you don't start focusing on what you can do, you will never make it." Wow! Ok I'm up. I'm focused and I'm going to spend time being comfortable and unashamed of what I can do. Truth be told, I had for many years set up camp on the "I can't" Boulevard and have not met my full potential even though the ability was there and it has been seen by others. I feel a little startled, the same way I feel when I am abruptly awakened from my physical sleep. My heart is beating a little faster and I feel a little dizzy. This is very interesting. This could not have come at a better time in my life. So after today, I can no longer allow what I can't do, get in the way of what I can do. Aman.

A Sin to Dream

People make it seem like dreaming is a bad thing. They act like if you want more than what you have you are ungrateful for what you got. Not true! But it's so deeply embedded that it's hard to get around. But why? Why would God give us the ability or the desire to dream and then punish us for using what He gave us. It just doesn't seem right. Time to question what we "know".

Live as If I Never Died

There are some parts of me that I absolutely want back. I realize that sometimes in your effort to change, there are some casualties and sometimes those casualties are the essence of what made you, you. So I stand at the grave of my life and I call my essence by its name and I command it to rise and live again. I experience my resurrection and I live as if I have never died.

I'm Going to Sit Down

I'm going to practice that whole "be still and know that I am God" business. When I tell you that everything is everywhere and I got some clarity on some things and absolutely no clarity on the other... and the more I try to figure it out the more confused I get. So I'm going to set my happy behind down someplace take care of what I can control and the rest is going to have to be up to Him. I rather you pray for me then you question me about why I haven't used my degree or compare me to others who have or is using their degree or why things haven't come along just yet. Let me tell you one thing,  honey if I had it my way and if I was working on my own time, everything would be just as I wanted it to be rat now. Trust me when I tell you that I truly want what's best for my life, we all do. And while we are here, quit giving people a hard time when things aren't the way you think they should be, everybody is doing their best. Trust me when I tell you that I truly want what's best for my life, we all do but we give people a hard time when their life isn't the way we think it should be everybody is doing their best. Trust them with their one and only life. If you don't you may lose them forever.

Teach your Children

Quit teaching your children to get all skilled and highly educated just to go and work for somebody else. Don't teach your children to be beggers or settlers. Teach them how to prepare and stay ready. Tell them or better yet, encourage them to pay close attention to the things they like to do and what their hearts desire. Show them there is an abundant lifestyle there.

Teach them that paying $80,000.00 for an education and using that education to get a job they will only be paid $30,000.00 for is wrong. Where is the return on the investment? There is none. We wouldn't do that in any other areas of our lives. We don't buy homes we feel we will get trapped in or be upside down on should the market change and we don't make investments in the stock market if there isn't a return.

Teach your children, that if they are going to work for somebody else to not forget about themselves. Teach them to not let the only money they get from an employer be the only money they have. Teach your children that as their own business pick up, begin to transition into self employment. Teach your children to save some energy for themselves and not let these jobs drain them, even if they highly enjoy what they do and where they do it at.

Teach your children by doing it first. You be the example and show them what it means to be independent and to not settle for pay even if you negotiated and got the pay that you wanted. Regardless of how much you get, that will be all you get until you get your own.

Life Is Like Your Favorite Song

As I was listening to one of my favorite songs and attempting to sing along, I realized this about life. Life is like one of your favorite songs that you don't know all of the words to. Or the melody in some of those special places. Or the notes. But yet we sing that song loud and joyful saying all the wrong words in all the wrong keys while making no apologies for it because we enjoy the song.

Yet when it comes to our lives, we don't handle it in the same way even though we have the exact same experiences. We don't know everything about our lives as there are days we have yet to live, some days we are off key and nothing is vibing. But instead of living out loud, off key and not knowing how to join the melody, joyfully, we curse ourselves and our existences.

Why is that?

What About Now?

What About Now?

For some reason we spend too much time trying to avoid what is happening right now by thinking forward or backwards. We remember the "good old days" when our struggles were different.

Looking back makes us forget how difficult our struggles were when they were our present moment and how we desperately tried to avoid them by looking forward and backwards just like we do now. We avoid painful experiences by lying to ourselves saying things like, "it's going to be okay" or saying other things as if we are predicting the future or our outcome to this experience we are having right now.

Yes, you may very well be alright but then again you may not. If by chance you won't be alright, how are you going to justify your return to this matter to yourself? You can't. Avoiding your now is like signing a contract saying you will return to this matter every time it comes up if your wishful thinking does not work. That hurts more than dealing with it in the present moment. At least it does for me.

Life becomes more difficult when I avoid my present moment for good memories that used to be unpleasant in their present state or sell myself a dream of a future that I am not promised. All I have is now and if I, right now, have the experience that has presented itself to me, I may have a better future because I will have received the gift life wanted to give me that was necessary for my pending experience whether it's immediately after or some where down the road.

Now...right now...in this very moment...is the only guarantee that we have in life. Enjoy it or don't :-) but have the experience, you will be glad you did.

Come on Life

Come on life. I need the external part of you to quit dragging your feet and catch up to where I am internally. I need you to connect to me and stay with me and make every move I make and quit being such a heavy.

I need to not feel like you are lifetimes away only connected by a rope tied around my ankle yanking me back every time I take a leap towards and into my destiny, my purpose and good old fashioned just what I want to do. I don't live in the past, I'm over that, I'm here in my now ready to move forward but I can't without you. I need you just like you need me. We can't exist without the other and I pray that God will send you to me, in the time and space I'm in, quick, fast and in a hurry. We got stuff to do but we can't if you are so far behind.

Faking Pretty is for the Birds

Well just gone and be ugly then. Faking pretty is for the birds chile. Ain't nobody got time fa all of that. At least if you ugly, (acting and looking) the people around you know what they are getting and you just might make it in this world.  But faking pretty just to get somebody to like you, want you and be around you will backfire as soon as your ugly begin to show. So I say, just cut out the middle man or the middle pretty, if I do say so and give myself a chuckle,  and let your ugly flag fly chile. You never know, you may just have a better life if you master the art of being your self :-)

Now that! makes ugly a beautiful thing.

Covered in the Contents of Someone's Baggage

Covered in the contents of someone's baggage, that's how I feel today after a normal conversation turned ugly. At the time I didn't know what the hell was happening and I found myself trying to explain and justify something that could have been cleared up had the person not begun to unpack and unload all of the contents they had accumulated over the years. All I did was bring up a goal that I have and my goal seemed to trigger something in them and before I knew it, I could not complete a sentence due to the interruptions, yelling and over talk that was happening. Boy, oh boy! You can't share your goals with everyone, this was such a great reminder, no matter how it appears or how you want it to appear, not everyone can assist you with meeting your goals and their reactions are NEVER about you. Even though I know that persons reaction wasn't about me, I still apologized. It was never my intention to trigger, I was just speaking my truth and I will never apologize for that.

Would You Like To See The Dessert Menu?

Would you like to see the dessert menu?

Why yes, as a matter of fact I would. I have eaten from this plate of life and I'm feeling like things are good. I've gotten all of the nutrients a purposed life can get. I have paid my dues, made some waves and put up with plenty of shit. I have covered for a partner who rarely seems to care, living with one foot in and one foot out so you can never say they weren't there. Feeling the effects of a life lived on overload, trying to come out of timid places and live my life real bold. Done with hiding done with pretending that I am not, everything that I truly am so you don't feel threatened in your spot. Done with lying to myself and loosing sleep. Done justifying "your best interest" for me. Done with loving everybody in the world except me. Done with pretending this is the way it's supposed to be. So yes I'm ready for the dessert menu, it's time for life to be sweet. It's time for me to experience goodness sweaping me off of my feet. It's time for the delishes fragrance of chocolate in the air, it's time to swing my feet while I'm sitting in the chair. It's time to savor every. single. drop. Then go home to my bed and take a big flop. Into the bliss only a pillow top can bring and if by chance my phone should ring, I hope it is the one who's purpose it is to make my heart sing. Because that's what every girl needs at the end of a long fight, some chocolate cake and a loving man to hug and kiss good night. But until that day comes, his presence I will miss. I will see him in my dreams and...and...can I just get the dessert menu please?

New Arrival

Celebrating new things seems to be what we do. We prepare for new arrivals and share the good news of the arrival with our family and friends as well as the people around us who don't fit into those categories. Some strangers will even take notice of our new arrival and strike up a conversation with us about it and offering congratulations in the process. We are vocal about our new things and we tell it. I got a new baby, I got a new car, I got a new house, I got a new man, I got a new woman, I got accepted into college, I got a new job and the list contnues. In our excitement and depending on what the new thing is, our family and friends ask, where did you get it? Or give me that recipe, let me try it. They celebrate with you, they come see the new baby or post your good news on social media in support of your success. We celebrate all things new except for our day. Why?

Every day that we wake up is a day we have never seen before, we have never experienced it, we haven't lived in it and knew the night before that this new day was not promised to us. It's brand new, why not celebrate it just as you do every other new thing you receive in life? Why not plan for it, be grateful for its arrival, get your family and friends excited about it, show it off, be happy and love every new day you get to see. Celebrate today!

It Makes No Sense

Living in the past is just like standing in the line at your bank to withdraw the money you need to meet a payment deadline but never get the money because every time you get close to being next in line, you go to the back of the line or allow someone to cut you and then complain you couldn't meet the payment deadline because the bank closed before you can get it. It makes no sense.

Notice of Withdrawal and Disengagement

I hearby turn in my notice of withdrawal and disengagement.

Reasons being that I just completed a list of goals that I wanted accomplished in my life and constantly being in a state of stress wasn't on the list. It has become obvious to me that what I have to offer you continues to make your rejection list and you never want to hear what I have to say or follow the advice that I give you. Yet you continue to bring your problem and issues to me and then get mad when I don't do things the way you feel I should. Now I know that I cannot give up on you completely and I wont. But it is clear to me that you need to find your own way and figure things out on your own. You no longer have my support in this area the way things are. But if you ever want to humble yourself, recognize that maybe you are wrong at times and are a heavy contributer to how you experience your experiences, and want what I have to offer, then and only then will I begin to make deposits and engage. Let's hope by then you have things figured out. If not you run the risk of me not being there altogether. You see, today I got my freedom and now it's time to work on getting out of old habits and this constant cycle of being apart of your issues. It's time for me to live and that means moving on from people and things that no longer serve me or my goals. I'm not sorry if this inconveniences you. It just is what it is. This is taking place effective immediately.

Life Goals 4/28/2015

Some of my life gosls are to:

1. To be unhindered.
● Living my life free from self destruction and doubt.
● Being able to live out my goals fully and whole heartedly and support my love ones at the same time. / Not giving up me for them.
● To not concern myself with other people's opinions of me real or imagined to the point of non movement and seeing myself through their eyes.
● Being okay with who I am and embracing / not being ashamed of my gifts and talents.

2. To be loved.
● Tearing down the fortress of past hurts no longer allowing it to surround my life and keep me from new relationships and new loves.
● Allowing myself the opportunity to become vulnerable and seeing vulnerability as a sign of strength and not a sign of weaknesses.
● Letting love flow through me and having the experience instead of stopping it at the door, questioning it's presence.

3. Stop worrying.
● Be a true woman of faith and leaving the things I cannot control in God's hands.

4. Get and then stay focused.
● Working with the distractions I can't ignore (i.e. children & work)

5. To make money doing work I love.
● Having all of the businesses I've wanted to have over the years be up and running and providing multiple streams of income.
● To be on the New York times best seller's list.

6. To be wealthy
● In love, ~ from family and friends
● Financially
● Opportunities

7. To be debt free
● Bye bye student loans

8. To be married
● Marry the man of my dreams.
● Marry a man who wants to be married to me and we together have what it takes to live a life time and build a wonderful life together.
● To have a compatible partner.

9. To be healthy
● Physically
● Mentally
● Spirituality
● Financially
● Relationally

10. To enjoy my life guilt free and on purpose.
● Know how to relax
● Stress free

11. To be an owner snd not a renter.
● Own my home
● Own my car
● Own my time
● Own my salary.

12. Make lots and lots of money using my natural gifts and talents.

Ok that's it for now. There's more.

As I Break Ground

As I break ground, I wonder what life will be like for me. Up until now, I've only imagined what life would be like above ground. See my seed went deep into the earth, down into the darkness, where I sat, waiting, all alone. I had to love my self, push my self, encourage my self and I had to learn to be comfortable being my self. And I had to be comfortable being my self regardless of people and what they thought of me and how they would respond to me not knowing who I am and after we knew what I would grow up to be.

I don't know for sure what I am, because I haven't broke ground. I know I am growing and changing and making my way toward the light. I feel it and it makes me happy in my deepest places. It's a happiness I have never experienced before and I must say that I like it. Its not easy being a seed, especially when all that I truly am, breaks through what I was and destroys everything I've ever known to be.  The growth hurts, the process is lonely (even when there are people around) and life is confusing. I knew I was going to be something wonderful but I just didn't know what. I didn't know how to answer the people who wanted to know what I was so I made stuff up.

No more. Because as the ground breaks and I increase in size and strength, my position changes from underground to aboveground every one, including myself will know what I am. My bud will speak for itself and so will my blossom. The plunge, the death and the rebirth will all be worth it. I promise.

It No Longer Matters

It's funny how you can be just a going on with and about your life doing what you do and then everything you have always known, no longer makes any sense.

An internal tornado forms and begins to swing and the winds become strong and uproot what was planted, tossing things and people so far away they cannot be recovered. Destroying things and relationships you found precious even though they were useless in your life, but you kept them because you found them pretty to behold.

With the land clear of debris, somehow the real you finds its way to the surface ready to bud, ready to grow, ready to transform, ready to be everything you was created to be, ready to blossom, ready to reproduce after your own kind, ready to transform your surroundings, ready to bring joy, not caring about being admired...ready to begin a new.

Welcome to the world, we've been waiting on you.

What If We Disagreed?

Gospel recording artist Marvin Sapp has a song that says,

"He saw the best in me, when everyone else around, could only see the worst in me...
He's mine, I am His. It doesn't matter what I did"

What if we looked at ourselves through those eyes? What if we saw the best in us, when everyone else around could only see the worst in us?

What if we disagreed with the actions of those whose only mission in life seemd to be to tear us down instead of conforming to their negative attitude and bad behavior?

What if we disagreed?

What if we disagreed?

What.    If.     We.     Disagreed.

What if we didn't accept what they did or said?

What if we got to know ourselves and formed our own opinion about us?

What if we removed the conditions of our love?

(I can only love myself if...
But if those things are not happening, I'm going to think bad things about me, say bad things to me, do bad things to me and allow others to do the same.)

What if we treated ourselves like we deserve a chance in life?

What if...?

What if we gave ourselves credit for the things we know and the skills we have?

What if...?

What if we decided that today was a new day and a great day for a new beginning?

What it?

It's Misplaced!

I woke up this morning thinking about the life of my teenage son wishing he had certain qualities and abilities to be super successful in the areas I feel really matters and counts. As I was about to pray for him, it dawned on me that all of those things were there, they were just misplaced. He, just like all of us, have everything we need in our possession to survive, be successful and have the life the depths of our souls long and cry out for. It's there but like him, some of us never meet that part of us because we are so worried about not having "it" we don't bother to look for "it". "It" is always something someone else has but never us.

Like some teenagers, we are surrounded by constant noise, restlessness, impulsiveness and fear. We are afraid of being different, not fitting in, not being accepted and failing in our temporary relationships with people we may not know beyond high school or in our case as adults, seasonal people. To please and impress (others) becomes more important than to fulfill (our purpose in life) and become (everything we want to be).

Yes we all have unique traits, the special effects that makes us who we are apart from everyone else but we also have although slightly different, 1 nose, 1 mouth, 2 ears and all of the things that makes us human. I find it hard to believe that our creator would give us matching every  thing else except our ability to succeed. Whether you want to believe it or not, you are a success. You are succeeding right now, right where you are. Whether you like it (your area of success) or not.

I am a firm believer that what you focus on grows and becomes abundant. Do an inventory of your life and notice where you are placing all of your thoughts and physical efforts. If you like the success you have produced, don't change a thing. If you don't like the success you have produced, your decision to change lies there.  Think about the life you want to live and focus on that, you will get what you need to get there. Don't take my word for it, try it for yourself. The only thing you have to lose is that which you want to lose anyway, right?

Strange Direction

I'm checking out my new position and I'm checking out my change and I'm telling you that God has a way of doing things that are so awesome and so amazing and so creative that I marvel at myself and where I came from and where I am. It may not look like much to you but I know...

I remember praying for my finances sitting in front of the church I grew up at one night after choir rehearsal and I remember hearing God tell me to leave that church. At the time I thought it was a strange direction but by faith, I did it. When I started visiting, I learned that God had a plan for me and that I had a purpose. It was amazing and I have been able to connect many dots from that one moment in time. I have spent many uncomfortable days and so have the people close to me because we don't understand what's going on all of the time. Some think I'm crazy and leave me alone, others think I'm misguided and foolish and try to set me straight, there are some who respect my process and go as I go and then there are others who only look at my exterior and don't see much to behold and they don't waste their time with me.

I'm glad I listened. Sometimes a change in environment is the only thing you need to change your life.

Let Me Hear It!

I wanna hear some success stories. Especially from people who have been dismissed, wrote off, mistreated and gave up on because folks, including you, couldn't see the work God was doing in your life. Tell me how He brought you and what you did to bring yourself along to where you are now. It's testimony time.

The Hardest Thing

I think one of the hardest things to do in this world is be a parent of a child who's agenda is totally different than yours.

You've lived more than a decade or two before they were conceived and seen a lot of rich life lessons born between the battle of victory and defeat. Started by insecurities aware and unaware. The lessons you've taught because you have attended and graduated and gone back for a graduates degree in hard life. To say son, I'm looking at this in you or daughter here's what I know...only to have them respond to you with their eyes rolled and their breath expressed as if you were born the day they were and only know as much as they do. Except they know more. What a defeat. You try, you teach and you make sure they are educated enough to not travel down that road...and then they do. What's left for us to do but check our own ego. 

Some times, you have to deal with other people's sh*t.

Some times, you have to deal with other people's sh*t.

A few months ago, I worked in a small office with a few people and had the luxury of being able to use the restroom by myself. My work surroundings went from 10 people in an office with two single toilet restrooms to over 1,000 people in an office with multi stalled restrooms. So far, I have had two encounters that brought me to this conclusion, some times, you have to deal with other people's sh*t.

There's no way around it.

Especially when it's presence is coming in on you and surrounding your very being and you have no where else to go. Your reactions can make or break the moment. But how do you react without bringing offense to the other person? Or denying yourself the need to respond in a way that reflects how you really feel? Especially when their intentions were not to offend in any way. Life is happening to them just like it's happening to you and chances are, they are probably a little embarrassed.

I'll admit that sometimes it's hard to get along with someone who's sh*t is surrounding me and causing offense to me. But it's not impossible.  I suppose we can strive to be that tiny can of personal order eliminating fragrance and spray the air, hoping it will put things back in proper order. We can also not take what's going on with them personal and hope the goodness we make conscious efforts to provide would be strong enough to change the environment we are currently trapped in. If it's not, we run the risk of blending in or being defeated and sickened by what we endure.

Is there anything wrong with asking for a rapid response?

Over the years I have notice an increase in my prayers for patience. Especially when I'm in a position where I am waiting for something that I really want. Sometimes I feel like there is an urgency on the inside of me that needs immediate attention giving me the feeling that I'm about to do something at the right time that will change my life for the better. I do my part but I find myself waiting for the other side to respond. In most cases, I know I'm going to get what I'm after and that's not the problem. The problem is in the wait. Most times I feel so tortured waiting for the other side to respond I have no choice but to ask for patience. The wait time consumes me and takes me to the point of stress and fatigue. I hate it. Its never any fun and I always feel my impatience causes the delay.

Well another day came and I found myself back in this space. My insides told me to, I went and now I wait consumed with when I will hear back from the other side. Just as I was about to pray for patiece, the words came out asking for a rapid response. Guilt came immediately after and said I shouldn't do that. I asked it why not and so far, guilt has not produced a valid reason of why I can't ask for a rapid response.

So boldly, I pray for a rapid response. Aman.

The Other Person

Have you ever wondered who the other person was and why they came?

I hear it all of the time. "I lost a whole other person". And it usually comes from someone who lost a significant amount of weight. Usually the amount of pounds you would find on another person.

I've been thinking about this for a really long time and I figure if you can take your weight and divide it by two and both numbers are fitting as a healthy weight for an adult, you my friend have a whole other person living on the inside of you.

It's like your imaginary friend that everyone else can see. Maybe that's why some people cannot lose weight, maybe it's not a weight issue. Maybe it's an emotional issue or a fulfillment of a need you didn't realize you had. Maybe it's your support system, your internal comforter, your protector, your...whatever. Maybe it's a response to an internal call you made in a sub / un conscious state.

Finding out how they got there is part of your work.

Look back. Think. What was going on in your life when you began to gain weight? Go deeper than that. You saw it but you did nothing about it. Why? Remember the moments you noticed the weight gain but still did nothing about it. Why? You nurtured that person into being and you allowed them to grow healthy and steady and in some cases to the point of your own demise. Bringing sickness and disease in to your own body. Buy why? Its not that we don't love ourselves but there is defiantly a reason why.

Dark Chocolate Honey Mints

Honey let me tell you. 

I saw these dark chocolate honey mints last week and I thought they would be interesting because of how beautiful the packaging is and it's name. At $3.99 a bag, it had to be good right? 

Well it was...at first but as soon as I was about to go beyond the tester bite, it happened. There was a thud that took place after all of the honey mint was gone and it went from good to 'oh my gawd what the hell just happened here'. 

I thought it was just me so I asked the boy to try and the same thing happened. I took it to work to see if anybody else would like them. My coworker came by and saw them on my desk, asked to try, I gave the warning, he said he thought I was f.o.s until it happened to him. 

Then he hid them under some papers and told me to take them back to the store I bought them from. It was a very comical moment. I laughed out loud for a really long time. 

The people at the store were great and took them back with no problem and said they get mixed reviews. Funny thing is, the manager who provided my refund has experienced the thud before as well and knew exactly what I was talking about. I love being human.